I see the lines across my forehead
Creases build at my eyes when I smile
My teeth no longer bright white
My body not as small as before
Nor my heart...
my heart grows with the years
Sometimes I think it might burst
Burst at the fullness
Shrink from the sadness
then stretch again in healing
I look back at ThirtySomething
In some ways wanting to hold on to youth
But desperately needing to look forward
Find joy and peace and acceptance
Relish in love
Run from fear
Dance with freedom
ThirtySomething years of story
Story upon story
Comedy, Documentary, Drama, even Tragedy
Tales to be shared
Not for my glory
Rather in context of the Greatest Story
The Story of redemption
of truth
of wholeness
of Life
I need that Story to intersect with my ThirtySomething story
Weave itself into my life
Cross over pain threshholds
I never thought I could bear
Heaviness I feel might pull me under
More than ever as I leave Thirty-Something
I want to once again throw myself
Into purpose and meaning
Jump back into the Greater Story
The Story that brings back joy
Pieces together brokenness
Creates wholeness, mosaic-style
A picture of beauty that I breathe deep
Something to hope in
Something to grasp as I move out of ThirtySomething
And into a future held safely
Securely in the only Arms that matter
The arms of my Author
So He can write the story
My story
The Story I often interrupt
for my purpose
my pride
my recognition
Writing chapters that leave me empty
Crushed
Wandering
Until someone, something shines light
On the Story that crushes lies
Mends Hearts
and gives me a future
A future I cannot forsee
but will choose today to enter
Not with great strength
Nor with exuberance
But enter nonetheless
Take a step out in the unknown
Into what seems like darkness
So once again I can see the lightness
Feel the warmth of it
Taste the sweetness
Hear the sounds of victory
Hoping, praying and praying some more
that post-ThirtySomething
unfolds more of True Life and True Love
With new dreams and new stories to weave
Dream weaver, truth seeker
That is what I hope
This is what I pray