That's a funny word. Should. Look at it a few times. It's just plain quirky. I may start a petition to get rid of it. Think of all the times in one day you say "should." Like right now, I SHOULD be doing laundry. I SHOULD get lunch. I SHOULD be unpacking another box. I have a defiant little streak in me. Well, not exactly little. It's more like a Jackson Pollack painting - lots of streaks of colorful and willful defiance. So it's no wonder the word "should" is so disturbing to me. It disrupts the "wants" but more importantly the "needs." Sometimes the disrupted wants are probably best disrupted b/c they may not lead to good things... like too much ice cream or drink or shopping. But the "I needs" can go a couple ways. I need to do the laundry. Not so fun but sounds much better than the tisk-tisk sound of "I should do the laundry." Or, "I need to call a friend" rather than "I should call a friend."
Bottom line: "Should" sounds shaming, condemning or dreadful, while "need" sounds softer, more care-taking and healthy.
So right now I need to write this post because I need to express myself. The laundry will be there. And it is very, very there, let me assure you. But these thoughts swirling in my brain NEED a place to land. So I am doing what I need to do.
The other day I wrote a post about life being "suckish." Still pretty much feeling that way. But each day holds so many blessings, too. One of those blessings is as simple as the amazing blue sky we have above us right now. Another one is the unbelievable amount of true, authentic, caring friends I have. Wow.
As I wrote that post the other day, I was having problems publishing it. Some wacky wordpress glitch. And I have noticed that the end never got published. But now I can't really remember the end. I laughed when I saw that b/c it was so par for the course. So I didn't go back and put an ending on it b/c it was too good like it was. An illustration that when life hurts, I don't get to always tie things up and put a catchy little ending on it. That's part of my story, out there for the world to read if they choose and left hanging because my story is not over yet.
While I don't remember exactly what I said at the end of that post before it evaporated into cyberspace, I do know that I had included a verse that I love. One that sees me through so much of the drama that unfolds in my life. It is from Isaiah and I hope that as you read these words, you will find that you need these words much more than you think you should read them.
Isaiah 54:10
Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the LORD, who has compassion on you.
I want those words. I need those words. I hope you find yourself wanting them, too.