My Questionable Parenting
Remember the whole vision versus reality problem I have? If not, you can go back and check the link in that last sentence or you can take my word for it when I tell you that sometimes what happens in my head is not what transpires in reality.
Several years ago, I had this great idea to go mountain biking as a family while on vacation in Telluride. In my mind, we would stick together and meet the challenges as a team. We would take in the beautiful vistas and breathe in the scent of the wildflowers along the way.
Spoiler alert: That did not happen.
Jaden was only about 9 and while he knew how to ride his small Wal-Mart special, he was still somewhat of a novice. He didn't have the same opportunities to build his confidence on a bike that his brothers had. There were no smooth sidewalks, long driveways, or quiet suburban streets. We had traded all of that for a detached garage (sans driveway), gravel alleys and cracked sidewalks when we moved downtown.
But how hard could mountain biking be, especially if we stuck to the beginner trails? Besides, I had been mountain biking before. Once, but whatever. I was sure the boys would love it. After we rented our bikes, we donned our helmets and gloves and hoisted the bikes onto the gondola that would take us to up the moutain to just over 10,000 feet.
My little hippy boy before we headed downhill.
It started as a lovely little ride, just as I had imagined. The views were breathtaking and before I knew it we had started to turn downhill. This is when things went awry. Somehow we had pedaled our way onto a blue — or intermediate — trail and found ourselves slipping on loose rock and falling off our bikes on steep terrain. While the other boys forged ahead, Jaden and I decided — after we both almost vaulted over our handlebars — that it would be best to walk the rest of the way down. What should have taken 30-45 minutes, took Jaden and I three miserable hours. I spent much of that time chastising myself for taking my 9-year-old on this trail where he could have been seriously injured. Yet there was nothing we could do except put one foot in front of the other and make it down the mountain.
There are so many, and I mean soooo many more scenarios where I did not make the wisest decisions for my boys. But let me tell you something, Friends, they survived. In fact, our children can thrive DESPITE some of our choices. Intentional or not, when we create a challenge for them we are allowing them to figure things out, to build stamina and perseverence and to learn how to best care for themselves and others.
.At the time of this writing, one son is traveling back from a cycling race. A race where he went very fast. On concrete. In circles. On a bike. One son is using large machinery to make a table. Machinery that includes sharp blades and things that can cut off limbs. Human limbs. One son is nursing a broken heart over the loss of his soccer game that could have pushed his team into the most elite youth league. And as many of you know, my oldest son is living with his dad and most likley feeding him right now. Obviously I did not create these challenges, but I am a big believer that most experiences are not wasted. So if you have created some questionable scenarios for your children, be enouraged. They will figure things out, and I would venture to say, they will even be better for it.
